Carefully Made Plans Gone Awry

So, I have some friends who have a friend and they are constantly teasing that friend about being gay. Apparently, he bought a new car and it was not considered "manly" enough by the masses to get past the "Gee, you should wear a ribbon and come out of the closet" thing.

I've been following this little tete e tete for awhile now, cracking up because this guy is so far from gay that... well, it's funny! Anyway, I came up with one of my ultra-genius plans to tease him and give my friends something to laugh about.

The plan was for me to walk up to this guy and have him tell me his name. At which point, I was going to do the type of "Oh..." that's so full of knowledge that shivers run down your spine because it means they know much more than they should. After the "Oh..." I was going to say, "Yeah... you're the gay guy, right? You have that really cute car outside? Good for you! Way to not be afraid of who you are" and walk away.

At lunch, moments after having devised this seriously funny plan, I introduced it to my friends and asked what they thought. They cracked up laughing, so we were a go.

So it comes to the day of the Pancake breakfast, where I have graciously offered my services as a floor-wanderer. "Please let it be trash!" I begged, but they stuck me helping people. Not good for someone as anti-social as me. But I digress. I arrive and I'm ready to find this guy, but first I have to figure out who all the rest of these people are and figure out just what a "floor" person is. I'm walking around and come upon this young guy and introduce myself.

Wouldn't you know it. I didn't recognize him. Myspace is so non-representative, really. His picture... lets just say he had more hair in his myspace pic, okay? So anyway, I introduce myself, and he says his name, and I'm already thinking, "Shoot. I blew it!" But brave old me, I'm going to try to salvage the situation... with none of my friends there to witness the event.

"Oh... (insert name here)... I've heard about you." I'm silently smacking myself around for not being prepared.

"All good I hope."

"Well, I did hear you were gay."

He pauses, and then mutters aloud, "Gay..." then looks out the windows at the other firefighters gathered outside.

"Yeah, I heard you drove a cute car too."

"Cute car."

Now at this point, he doesn't sound all that upset, or surprised, or murderous, so I'm smacking myself again at not being fully prepared. "I heard you're selling it?"

"You know... I'm okay with the gay thing now. It doesn't bother me."

Inside I'm chuckling at that statement because it sure looks like he's thinking to himself, "I can't believe this crap." and hoping he can find 10 minutes with his girlfriend to... reassure himself that he's most definitely not gay.

At that point, another person walked up and the conversation ended.

Now, you might be thinking that, in spite of everything, I still pulled off this little joke with aplomb. I told my friends about it, and they all laughed and anxiously awaited his reaction.

Days go by and... nothing.

It turns out that, while I had no clue who he was by sight, he apparently knew who I was. So the whole random person who knew he was gay thing didn't work as planned.

I've been begging my friends for a new gay person, but I suppose I'll have to wait until someone else on the fire department buys the same car.