The Top 5 at 5 on the 5th

"Hello and Welcome to another cold and cloudy Oregon Morning with Short Person's family. We have a few highlights to get through before moving on to our regular newscasts, so without delay, here are the top five at five, on the fifth.

One. Short Person informed her family a few weeks ago that she was going to live in her house forever. The home, located on a quiet dead end street, has been her place of residence since birth and she feels quite attached to it. When her dad asked her if she wasn't going to grow up and get married and have children, Short Person responded that she was going to do these things, so mommy and daddy would have to move out.

Two. Soon after Short Person's parents were informed that they would need to vacate the premise once she had grown up, she came home and informed her mom that she was 'in love' with a boy named Aaron. When questioned what, exactly, this meant, Short Person replied that it mostly meant 'it's when you find a boy handsome and you hold hands a lot'. Short Person's mother breathed a sign of relief and told Shortie that she was happy to hear that she wouldn't need to be moving out so soon, to which Shortie laughed and said, 'No Mom, it's not like we're getting married or anything!'

Three. On September 26, Short Person's mother had a birthday. Short Person woke her mom up at the early hour of 6:00am, excited like it was Christmas, and proceeded to start listing the items that she had gotten her mother. When Shortie's dad yelled from the bedroom not to tell her, Shortie replied, 'Don't worry, Dad, I'm not telling her what color the flowers are, or what's on the mug, or what's in the snowglobe! So, it will be just fine.'

Short Person's mom and dad agreed emphatically that she would probably not be working for the C.I.A. any time soon.

Four. Mommy and Daddy were riding with Short Person in the blue truck, talking about Short Person's reaction to the image of her father, in her birth photos, without his usual beard. Mommy commented about how distressed and upset Short Person was at the idea of her dad without his facial hair and told LJS that Shortie really didn't like the look of him without it. Short Person, overhearing this conversation, piped up from the back seat and said, 'I don't like it, and if you ever shave it off again, I. Am. Moving. Out!!' Mommy and Daddy were unable to comment due to their joint uproarious laughter echoing throughout the cab.

When asked later where Short Person planned to move to, she replied, 'Aunt December's!'

Five. Short Person set aside her disgust at having the 'late mommy' this morning after finding that her daddy had forgotten to make her lunch. Although it caused everything to run 10 minutes behind schedule, she stated that she understood and that daddy was going to be in 'big trouble'. True to her word, when daddy went to pick her up from school, Short Person looked at him and in a dire voice said, 'Daddy, we need to have a talk' and then started in with her favorite new word, apparently. 'Apparently, this morning, you forgot to make my lunch. Apparently, I am going to have to do it myself, or apparently, mommy might need to do it from now on'.

When questioned about this new word, her mother responded, 'Apparently, I say that word a little too much.'

That concludes our top five at five on the fifth. Stay tuned for more to follow, just after these words from our sponsors..."