The Turkey Loaf

Monday Evening - Sometime during Monday Night Football

I walked into the living room and stood in front of LJS, the only way to get his attention away from whoever was playing football on television. "Hon, Can you get the turkey out of the freezer to thaw? We are having a turkey, right?"

"Yeah. No problem. I'll do it next commercial."

I had no reason to doubt him, so I walked back into the office.

Tuesday Evening

"Hon! Turkey. Turkey. Turkey."

"Oh crap! Okay, I'll do it in a second."

Wednesday Afternoon - Sometime around 1pm

I was sitting on the couch eating Frosted Flakes when it suddenly occurred to me that there wasn't a turkey thawing in the refrigerator or sink. "Dang it!" I thought, and then picked up the phone and dialed LJS at work.

"Hello, Sweet Baby, what's up?"

"You forgot to get the turkey out."

"Oh shoot!" I heard him sigh in frustration, "Great, now what?"

"Well, if we get the turkey out tonight we should be able to thaw it in a water bath."

"Okay... Why can't you get the turkey out?"

"Well, for one, I don't know where it is."

"It's in the main freezer."

"Main freezer? Which one is the main freezer?!"

"The one in the garage."

"We have two in the garage."

"It's the main one."

I'm on the verge of laughing out loud in disbelief. "Okay, so the one when you walk through the door?"

"No, the other one."

"Okay, I'll get it out."

We hung up and I walked into the garage, something that is generally a pain in the ass considering that the dogs always know you are coming and are prepared to weasel themselves out of lock-up. That probably wouldn't be so bad if they didn't also know how to hide themselves under the bed until you had no choice but to leave them out.

I shut the garage door behind me and looked to my left where the, apparently "main", freezer was located and the first thing I noticed was about 10 lengths of molding leaning against it. Great. As I got closer, I also noticed the anchor. Not completely insurmountable. But then, I noticed the bungee cord wrapped around the handle. Upon checking, I noticed that it was too tight for me to unclasp.

The turkey would have to come out that evening, but as luck would have it... he forgot again.

Thursday Morning - Three hours before we planned to have dinner

"So, am I going to the store?"

"For what?"

"Well... I guess if we want turkey it's going to be a turkey loaf."

"Oh... yeah."

Standing in line at Fred Meyer I have never been so embarrassed. My little turkey loaf sat on the conveyor belt for all the world to see.

A Thanksgiving low.

LOL... it got funnier during the preparation of dinner, however. Everything in the oven cooking and I'm pulling out china and crystal and serving dishes counting what we would need against what we were preparing to eat.

"Hey, I thought you got rolls."

"I did."

"Well, where are they?"

"In the freezer."

I went into the kitchen and opened the freezer door. "Hon, are you talking about these rolls? The Rhodes ones?"

"Yeah."

"You uh... realize that it takes hours to thaw and cook these?"

"What?!"

"They have to rise."

"How long does that take?"

"3-5 hours"

The silence coming from the other room was ominous, so I sought to lighten the tension. "Oh, don't worry. We'll just eat them when we have the turkey."

Did I forget to mention that the only reason that we have this turkey is because we kept forgetting to get it out to thaw a year ago? Check back in the year 2020, we'll probably still have it!