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Friday, July 27, 2007

Tricky Toes and Yard Peeing

My daughter likes to perform little "tricks". Usually, the little tricks are either weird moves that she's been practicing or death defying feats that are not for the faint of heart to watch... like me. Going to the park is like mini practice for when I have a massive heart attack. My body is so used to the mini ones it will spring right back from anything big. I'm sure of it.

Anyway, on the 4th of July she had another little trick to show me.

"Hey Mom, can you tie your toes?"


"Can you tie your toes?"

"Umm... no... my toes are big, but they are not long like shoelaces."

"No Mom, watch."

I proceed to look down at her feet as she expertly takes one toe and wraps it around another toe.

"See? Now you try."

I laugh, but reach down to try and place one of my toes on top of another toe realizing that she is already annoyed.

"No Mom, not like that. Like this."

She reaches down and yanks one of my toes up and sticks it over on top of the other one. No sooner does she let go than the toe rights itself and moves back to its normal resting place. I watch as her little brow furrows and struggle to hold back the giggles as she let's out a long exaggerated sigh, once again reaching down for my toes.

After about 10 tries, she finally comes to the conclusion that her mom's toes aren't tricky as I hobble off to grab a back of ice, praying nothing is dislocated.

Anyway, I managed to grab a picture of her tricky toes and thought I'd put it here.

Later that same day...

Hot on the heels of the macaroni and cheese incident, we had another social... I was going to say blunder, but I think catalcysmic catastrophe is better. Luckily, it was only LJS, myself, and Short Person there to... witness the event. (Although of course I blow the secrecy now by telling everyone about it, but hey... it's over now. LOL)

We're out playing with fireworks. Short Person is wearing a dress with no panties. I forget now why they disappeared, but I know I wasn't complaining too badly because she's in that phase where all the clothes come flying off whenever possible. The fact that she had a dress on was... great!

"I need to go potty, Mom."

"Okay, Hon' go in the house and go potty. Do you need me to come with you?"

"No, I need to go into the yard."

"Well... I thought you needed to go potty. You remember what Big Blue Bear says, right? He says "When you got to go, you need to go right away so you don't forget". Remember?"

"Yeah, Mom. I wanna go potty in the yard."


"I need to go potty in the yard."

I think it may have been here, at this moment, when I shot my husband the 'if looks could kill' look. I'm not sure. I know my mind was going crazy with the need to scream "How could you teach her such a thing?!" but I didn't. I held back.

"Honey, we don't go potty in the yard. You need to go in the house and use the bathroom. I'll go with you. Let me put this stuff in the sink and I'll be right back."

I disappear for a few seconds into the house to put our bbq dishes in the sink and walk back out to retrieve Short Person, who is running with a toy across the yard. I look at LJS. "Hon', why is she playing. She needs to go potty."

"Oh, well she did."


"She said she wanted to go potty in the yard... so, I let her."

OKAY PEOPLE!! Was my husband not right there. Not FIVE INCHES AWAY when I had the conversation with Short Person?

LOL... I think that had it not been dark you would have seen red actually creep up my body and flood my face and steam come out of my ears as I launched into the start of a beautiful tirade about social standards and OMG MY DAUGHTER PEE'D IN THE YARD!

But before I could quite get the words out I had a thought... find out who taught her first, and (cause I was so sure) then launch into the husband.

"Who taught you to pee in the yard?"

"I taught myself."

A new trick. Don't ya love tricks?

My husband was pretty pleased with the answer. I just shook my head. I don't think there was much more I could do at that point. LOL...

Thursday, July 26, 2007

"Mmm... It Tastes Like Macaroni and Cheese!"

I should preamble this post by letting you know that of all the food in the world, my daughter only eats about 10 different things. Her favorite of all being Macaroni and Cheese. Every meal, every day. Other people can get her to eat a variety, but not dad or me.

We went to Washington to house-sit for my brother and sister-in-law. I loved doing it because not only is their house beautiful, but it is also only about 2 minutes from one of my sisters. We met up on Saturday, June 30, to play games and just chit-chat.

I picked her and one of my nieces up in my car in preparation to drive them over to J & K's, but first we needed to stop for coffee-- or rather I, the coffee addict needed to stop for coffee.

I pull into the parking lot and go inside, leaving my sister with Short Person and my niece. Oh man... what follows in nothing short of gross, but hilarious.

Apparently, while I was inside getting coffee, my daughter had a booger in her nose that she needed to get out. Instead of asking for a tissue (something I regularly keep in the car because she goes through them like crazy), she went digging and came out with something.

"Look, I have a booger on my finger", she said very proudly.

My sister turned around in her seat to look at her, noticing that Addy (my niece) was trying to cover the fact that she was laughing hysterically. "You what?"

"I have a booger on my finger." The impish grin on her face attesting to the fact that she knew she was being funny.

"Oh... well, what are you going to do with it?" My sister asked. "Do you need a tissue?"

"Nope. I'm going to eat it!"

Addy is now no longer able to hide the fact that she's simultaneously grossed out but laughing at the same time, and my sister attests that she was too stunned to do anything as Short Person stuck her finger in her mouth.

"So...uh... how'd it taste?" My sister asked, struggling for something to say. "Did it taste good?"

"Uh-huh." Short Person grinned and nodded.

"Oh. Well, what did it taste like?"

"Macaroni and Cheese!"

Apparently, my sister couldn't hold back any longer and gave into the hysterical, horrified, laughter she'd been holding at bay.

Great. Now eating boogers is funny. Just great.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

My Life These Days Is Like A Nationwide Commercial

My life these days is like a Nationwide commercial except, as I told another person, instead of a singular spectacular event, I'm stuck in the middle of an F-5 tornado that's been going on for miles. Let's just hope that when it dies down I'm not lodged in a tree someplace.

Given the amount of time that has passed, as you can imagine, I have a ton to write about-- both for myself and for Short Person. Short Person's adventures have been so much on the hilarious side that I'm dedicating a few posts just to her. I'll put those stories up soon with pictures.


My Grandpa's in the hospital... again. The first time it was with pneumonia. He's 87 and, to be frank, wishing to go. Whenever I talk to him, his response to my question of how he's feeling or doing is "Tired of Living, Tired of Life, Tired of Living a Tired Life". I went to visit him and it was so obvious that he wants to go meet God. He's excited. I don't know how else to put it. So while it's sad-- I'm not even sure how to deal with it-- it's also funny. He keeps saying goodbye, and everyone else keeps saying "Nope, not yet." Then, he pouts. LOL...

Anyway, something's wrong with his legs. I'm not sure what and don't really need to know (the reality of getting old scares the hell out of me and I'm not doing it that gracefully), but the bottom line is that he's in a place once more where he's probably "hopeful" to be going. *sigh* Not yet. Not yet. I need to learn how to play Bridge first. Guess I might need to do that in a hospital. I'll need to haul in a bigger table. Can't imagine that those rolling bedside things will actually work for Bridge.

When I think about my Grandpa it is always as the strong matriarch of the family. In reality, I think the strong matriarch is my Grandmother, but the image still stays.

On a last note about my Grandpa, I had to call my Dad and tell him. That was... difficult. Some days, it sucks being the oldest child. You get the crappy jobs. I'm not sure why. I suppose theoretically it is because you're supposed to be the more "responsible" one. *snort*



I've spend the last week rearranging Short Person's room and my office. I've gone through everything, gotten rid of a ton, and moved things around. I've cleaned until my knuckles bled (okay, not really, it just sounded cool). Anyway, this spurt of rearranging inspired LJS and I and we decided it is time to finish the rest of the house (with new paint, new doors, new window sills, and new molding).

We went to the store, picked up all the supplies, and gasped at the bill. LJS went to load it and tie it in the truck, while I went to order us up a couple of Polish Dogs (a favorite tradition with us whenever we go to Home Depot). By the time I got done getting the dogs, he had the truck loaded and was finishing tying it all down. By the time I reached the truck, he was ready to eat.

I handed off his lunch and drink and started walking around to my side, all the while looking down and shifting things to more easily carry then. When all of the sudden... WHACK!... I walked straight into the stack of molding and lumber sticking out the back.

My face burned like bloody heck from the scratches going from my nose down to my jawline and across my forehead, and my head hurt from the force of the blow. But I kept walking... Couldn't let on that I'd actually gotten hurt, you know.

LOL... some days, I swear. Will it ever end?


I will end this particular post by stating that I'm quite upset at the movie Zodiac. First, I was disappointed because it wasn't morbid enough. LOL... just wanted to see if you read this far.

Actually, what makes me really mad is that at the end of the movie they give a synopsis of what happened from the end of the movie to present. The conclusion of this long search, if you will. Whatever font they used SUCKED because I couldn't read it. Now, I have NO IDEA what happened! I have no closure. For all I know, the guy could have moved to Oregon and live a block away!!!

*growl* If you happen to watch it and can read the end, please type it for me in a normal font that is actually readable. Thank you.