Other People's Blogs

You know, it amazes me how insanely easy it is for people to make other people angry with what they write. Right now, I specifically mean me.

I don't pretend to be good at this blogging thing-- and to be quite frank I usually write thinking no one's going to read it (no offense it just let's me be me a little better than I usually would be if self-consciousness came into play). But if being good at blogging means that you have to tear people down and insult them for their choices, I'd just as soon leave this to the "pros".

I decided, still not sure why, to go and look at some blogs. There's a little doo-hicky button thing that let's you access them easily off of your home page and go look by category (on MySpace). I chose the top one for no particular reason... and can't tell you how sorry I am for doing it because now, it will eat at me for the day.

It's a blog written by a single mother who is (if memory serves) 27-years old. In it she writes about a news report she heard about a couple that bought a baby from Mexico only to discover that it wasn't legal-- the baby was returned. Now, if the blog were solely about that story, it'd be one thing, but it isn't. Instead, it's an insulting piece on how selfish people are that "choose" to have children with the aid of medical procedures or adoption. Her view is that if God did not give you the ability to create children on your own, you are selfish for seeking out help. Immediately, I'm angry. It is such a narrow-minded opinion.

It took me seven years to get pregnant. Seven years of wondering why my body did not work the way it was supposed to work. Seven years of wondering it the doctor that told me at 21 that if I didn't have a child by 24 I would never be able to, was right.

Seven years of getting more and more hopeless, years of getting more desperate. Years of looking at adoption papers and trying to figure out how I would find upwards of $15,000 to adopt a child. Of asking myself if I was strong enough to adopt a child rather than a baby that had mental or physical issues. Until finally, I had rearranged my life to accept that I would never have a child.

Seven years, only to be surprised by the Short Person.

Was I selfish for wanting a child? I don't think so. Can I explain the insane need to have one? No. But I don't feel selfish for doing it. I don't feel selfish for wanting another one.

And I don't view people as selfish for seeking out what they feel is necessary to do what they need to do to have one. Invitro, Adoption, Shark plugs up your nose and in your ears... whatever. I understand that desperation. I wouldn't criticize for it.

Is that really what blogging is? I don't get it. Because if that's the case, I would write pages on how selfish it is of some one like her to have had a child. Of how sad it makes me that her views will be passed on to a child.

But then, hey, I don't know her. Maybe I just misread the damn thing. Maybe I was selfish. Maybe the world would be better off if no one had children that wasn't physically able. Maybe we should just let all those kids that were born but not wanted by their parents go without loving arms to hold them. Maybe they will grow up to be heartless and unable to love, or be drug dealers, or murderers.

What kind of a fucked up view do you have to have where that's the least selfish alternative?