My Husband’s Revenge and I’m Afraid of our Bathroom

So, today my husband and his dad went fishing. Normal occurrence around here. Personally, I think my husband would be a fish if he could figure out how to stop breathing and grow gills.

Anyway, they are on the boat fishing, eating, drinking and basically having a fairly good time when my husband catches a fish. His Dad nets it, almost has it in the boat, and then loses it.

Now, if you listen to the husband, he will tell you he wasn't that angry about it, so how exactly does he explain that mere moments later, when his dad got food poisoning from something that he ate and had to use a bucket to... okay, you get the picture... my husband decided to whip out his camera phone and get a shot of his dad wiping his butt.

He wants me to blow it up, frame it, and title it as a gift for Father's Day. But he's not angry. One heck of a revenge for not being angry if you ask me!

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Once upon a time, way back when I was a wee little teenager, I went to Mexico to work in an orphanage. It was actually a fairly large orphanage, but the bathrooms were small and they only had two shower stalls. With 20 girls, hair-washing happened in all types of venues. This day, for me, it was happening in the sink.

My head bent over, eyes closed, I wet my hair, lathered, and then got ready to rinse. It was then that I opened my eyes and saw that I was face to face with one of the biggest spiders I'd ever seen. He was looking at me, and I was looking at him.

And screaming.

Luckily, a few of the guys on the trip felt heroic enough to charge into the girl's bathing area and squish the little bugger for me. But that experience is only one of many spider stories I could tell.

Today, I got another one. We'll call him the phantom spider.

I actually met him yesterday as I showered and got ready for work. Big black scary looking thing the size of a small sand crab. He has beady eyes, claws, and fangs... and the little bugger always stays out of reach of me, and conveniently disappears when the husband is home.

Today, after an entire night of hiding from Long John, he reared his ugly head again while I was in the shower. I watched him, he watched me, I hurried up and got the hell out of there! Slammed the door shut and called LJ to tell him the big scary spider would be waiting for him when he got home.

Well, guess what?! He's home and the blasted spider has totally disappeared.

Did I mention he has a big puffy behind with a dot and stripes on his legs and he moves with the speed of light?!

We can't find him.

So somewhere, in this house, is a creature that wants to feed upon my blood and I CAN'T FIND HIM!!!!