Le Toilette Memoir

I am willing to bet that when my high school speech teacher gave us an impromptu dissertation on why no one threw parties to celebrate new toilets he had not taken a recent trip to the porcelain laden aisles of Home Depot. Had he taken the trip, chances are he may have considered the purchase of a new toilet something party-worthy. After all, with names such as "Savoy", "Westminster", and "Devonshire" you'd certainly want to invite people over, for clearly they are something special.

As I walked down commode condo boulevard there was one porcelain hottie that had me raising my eyebrows... and not in the good way. The toilet was called "Memoir".

Okay folks, we need to have a talk. Maybe there is more wrong with me that just dorkiness mixed with a touch of insanity. Maybe, internally, I'm all f'd up too! Because to be quite frank with you, there ain't nothing going into that pot that I want to keep a Memoir of!

And just, pray tell, how in the HELL do they keep this Memoir? Is it digital? Dear God, would we see it on YouTube? Does it record sound? Does it computerize it? Or are you going to be sitting on the cold surface while a voice talks into a digital recorder. "September 28. Seven o'clock in the morning. Came out a little smoother than usual, but had a freaky green color to it. Press button 2 if you ate spinach last night..."

Ew! Ew! Ew!

While at work I voiced a similar concern with regard to this one and I learned that Japan apparently has talking toilets and toilets that sing to you and toilets that spray a nice scent in the air and on and on. So I'm thinking to myself that it is not that long away that we have toilets that record data for doctors or if you're just... weird. But me?! I avoided the toilet like it was the plague. Me? I got the one that said "Consumer Reports rated best buy."

But I was longing for the Devonshire.... Unfortunately, my butt decided it as too pretty to actually put such icky stuff in it. LOL...