The Biopsy

(Originally written February 4, 2009)

I slept fairly well, except for Megan's cold and a 3am nose bleed. Hers not mine. Mike woke me up at 8:15 and we began the process of getting ready.

I am a huge needle-phobe, so in preparation for the procedure, I took another Ativan. I feel like I should put a disclaimer here that the past 3 days is more of this drug than I've taken in four months. I've always been too afraid of getting addicted to actually take any! Now, I can't stop-- but high-anxiety is why I have it, I suppose.

We made our way to the hospital, checked in, and then waited. The first thing that happened was that they told me Mike would have to wait in the waiting room. I think my stricken expression changed their mind very quickly, because they let him come back with me and stay to listen to what was going to happen. I can be brave, but I am more so when he is there, so the idea of him leaving me to face a series of needles by myself made me want to turn around and run. I didn't, and we were led into the dressing room.

I changed and walked into the room, asking if it would be possible to take photos of the room and biopsy thing-a-ma-jig for my journal. I think the question surprised the tech, but she agreed that I could take a picture of the tray since everything had to be sterile. She left the room to go and get a consent form I needed to sign and I took my pictures.

While she was gone, Mike and I talked. Funny conversations about how I was going to require a full five minute breast exam prior to each sexual interlude we had. He joked that if he wasn't careful, I'd probably have him purchasing his own ultrasound machine and administering sonograms. I told him that we should write Tom Cruise to see if he was done with his. We were laughing pretty hard when the nurse came back in.

The type of biopsy I was having is called a Core Biopsy. It is ultrasound guided and done with two needles. One, is larger needle that is pushed into the lump, then a second needle goes down the middle of the first and extracts long cylinders of cells to be tested. The string of cells shows how deep the cancer is, if there is any, and the condition of the tissue. The condition of the tissue is important in when cancer is present in order to tell whether it is new or progressed. If the cells are all normal, the tumor is benign, if cancer is present the cells will range from looking slightly abnormal to something akin to dead flesh. In the photo, the most forward object that looks like a candle lighter is the biopsy needle.

The technician had me lay on the bed while she got the ultrasound machine ready and did a few preliminary finds of the lump. She talked to me about how I'd already been told that it was probably just a fibro(somethingorother) lump and probably benign, but the only way to be 100% sure was to take a biopsy. Since I HADN'T been told that until the day prior, I was much more relieved to hear it again from her. She also talked about how some women voted to have them removed and some simply let them be. I told her that I'd obviously need to wait for the actual results, but that my gut feeling was to have it taken out. For one thing, if another lump did form, as big as this one is, I'd never feel it underneath. Plus, I'd be afraid of it changing from benign to malignant. So, there might still be a lumpectomy in my near future.

Ironically, I was more afraid of the first needle poke into my breast than I was of the procedure itself. I mean, there is always fear of the unknown, but I can't feel the unknown. I may know that there is a needle in me, but if I can't see it, or feel it, I'm able to ignore it. The first needle jab, to numb me, was my greatest fear-- and there was the small matter of the fact that the needle was going in MY BOOB!

Ow.

After the Radiologist arrived, they lay me on my side on the bed and did a series of ultrasound images to ascertain where the core samples, five in all, would be taken from. Then, they cleaned me up, draped me, and set about numbing me up. Luckily, they let Mike stay in the room, so I had that bit of moral support, but they made him sit down because they were worried he'd pass out when if he saw the biopsy needle (which is very long and thick like a meat thermometer) go into my breast.

Being numbed was the worst part of the procedure. He stuck the needle in and pushed in the lidocain into the most upper part of my breast. Once that area was numb, they went deeper with the numbing agent. While I couldn't feel the needle, the amount of pressure was incredibly uncomfortable. It hurt like someone was pressing HARD on my breast. Needless to say, once that was done, I was relieved.

With the ultrasound occurring at the same time, it is hard to tell the difference between the pressure of the machine and the needle going in, so all I felt was pressure most of the time. The Radiologist would tell me to not breathe and stay still and then he'd take the core sample. The suction needle makes a loud "FWAMPT" sound when it is extracting and although he sounded it for me prior to the procedure, there was no way to stop myself from jumping each time it went off. Luckily, by then, the sample had already been extracted.

Five "FWAMPTs" later, we were finished and I was bandaged, given and ice pack, and we went home.

The results won't be here until Friday or Monday, but the relief I feel at having spoken to my doctor, the words from the radiologist tech, and having finally gotten something proactive done, are seeping in. I was finally able to sleep and took a two hour nap.

My boob really hurts right now, though. I suppose that's too be expected after having someone drill holes into it =(