VD and the Clitoris

I laughed so hard today at work I was crying.

I don't even remember how long ago, I wrote a blog on a verbal faux pas I had at work. It had to do with me reminding one the guys that I was a VB (vindictive bitch- his name for me, not mine), except that it didn't come out that way. It came out as me remind him that I had that whole "VD thing going for me." It was funny then and I really thought I'd never live it down. But today I DID IT AGAIN!

So we're stuffing envelopes for a mass mailing at work and I'm trying to get him to help us, to which he has pointedly refused several times.

"You need to help us." I said, trying to make my voice, all yuckied up from being sick, sound authoritative.

"No. Not gonna do it." He responded, tinged with a bit of smart-ass thrown in for good measure.

"You should... I'm a VD, you know." I don't catch what I've done, but he's cracking up laughing.

"Oh really, you are a venereal disease."

"NO! I did it again." I'm laughing and groaning and thinking hard about how I'm going to get out of this one. "Dang it! I thought I'd never live down the other one, and now I've done it again!"

He's laughing, but rights himself a little. "You know, I called my wife's plant a venereal disease the other day. She wasn't too happy about it."

"You called your wife's plant a vd?" He's got me now. I'm curious.

"Yeah, it's called something like a (I'll have to come back to this part because I don't remember the exact name, something starting with a cla... though). I called it a chlamydia."

I laughed and felt the need to say, "Yeah, at least you didn't call it the other thing that starts like that."

"Huh?"

"The other thing that starts cli..."

"Oh, I... don't go there."

I cracked up laughing. Even with the hesitation it still sounded funny. I laughed until my sides hurt. "You... don't go there?"

"No."

I'm laughing so hard I can barely choke the words out, but somehow I make them sound pitiful. "Poor Lori."

"Poor Lori?! What about me? She was really mad."

It occurs to me at this moment that he has absolutely NO idea what he's said that I'm laughing uproariously about. OMG, this is way too good. "Can you blame her? I mean really. Poor Lori."

"What?!" He's pretty indignant now, probably thinking that it's just a plant!

"Well, YOU are the one that said you didn't go there!"

I'm watching his face so that I'll know the exact moment... yep! He's got it now. I'm laughing so hard now that tears are forming in my eyes.

"Umm, uhh..." he's floundering and has no idea what to say, which is funny because he must have felt trapped. His arms were flapping around like a bird and his mouth was making little formations like he's waiting for mommy bird with the worm.

"Dang it!" He stomps his foot and looks all around for a way out, but I am still laughing. Luckily, he is now laughing too. All in good fun.

"Well, at least I'm not a vd."

Oh, how I wish I had someone who could get the last word in for me because since I'll never live down my verbal faux pas, I really need someone to remind him of his!

It has been forever since I've laughed that hard at work. I needed it. Too funny.