Why Can’t They Invent an Internet Phone Book?

I am bored.

I don't want to work.

No, I would rather be goofing off on the computer all day than do any of the work piled on my desk. The problem is that I'm bored with the internet too.

How did that happen?! A world wide information data base on all sorts of deviant behavior and educational foundations and I can't find a darn thing to look at other than the five or so pages I typically go too.

Sad.

I'll tell you what they need. They need an INTERNET PHONEBOOK! A listing, sort of like Writer's Digest, that lists all the internet sites in existence in whatever year you happen to have and a brief description. You could pick up the book and flip through it (or go to some phonebook website) and randomly read, until you found a variety of sites you'd like to check out.

Wouldn't that be wonderful?!

It's not a bad idea, actually. If I knew anything about how to accumulate that data, I'd form a dot com and become rich and famous. I'd no longer be bored because I could have little wheely carts to ride around on in my office and I could install arcade games to play and I could hob nob with all the celebrities of Silicone Valley. I could jet all over the world and own property next to people like the Pitt-Jolie's. I could film my own movies and spend millions having fun. I'D NEVER BE BORED AGAIN!

But then, there would come the battles with Microsoft about who's going to take over the world and I'd wind up having to sell it to Google to escape the harrowing experience my life would have become and then I'd die a long, suffering death from stress and become a blip in someone's encyclopedia of dot comers that succumbed to the pressures of the internet and die unhappy and alone shrouded in tragedy and circumstance while they play Discovery Channel shows about the history of my life.

You know what. Too much work. I'll let someone else do all that. But, I would like to say to that person. GET ON IT! I'M BORED!!