Cheating Myself

I was driving in the car, thinking about this whole idea of blogging. Keeping a journal of life and what happens in it.

You may have noticed that I rarely type about anything serious, or perhaps I should say depressing. Since there seem to be entities that read this (hello, you sitting there ), I go on the basis that you don't need to be emotionally taxed by worrying about something you have no control over. Maybe I'm wrong and you are looking for a reason to take over my daily decisions. While I'd love that, because lately decision-making is wearing out my brain, I fail to see any realism in that. Most of us are just too darn busy with our own worlds to focus that much attention. So, I try to keep it funny.

Short Person is great for that!

But I started to wonder if I wasn't cheating myself by painting only half the picture instead of the entire canvas of my life-- the whole mixed-up, convoluted, exhausting, hilarious, schebang. Would I regret not being able to look back at the trials and tribulations and see how far I've come, what I've been through and overcome? Would I start to wonder if I'd missed a significant stepping stone or land mine?

Would I forget stuff?

My memory is crap. If I don't write it down, it's gone. Poor little Short Person, when she has a child of her own she's going to come to me and ask things like when did she crawl, walk, when was she potty trained and if it weren't for pictures and this place... gone. Memories would be gone. I should look into regression therapy. *sigh*

And then there's the whole thing about including other people. I do it sometimes now as they revolve around me, but a lot of the time the things in my life are a direct result of someone else's trials and tribulations. OH, I have such funny stories from my friends! But, I'm not a gossiper by nature, so I can't tell them.

So, what to do? Bore you to tears with depressing stuff, frustrate you with tales of my bad decisions, or keep on with what I'm doing? In the end, I'm going to attempt a happy medium. Once a month, I'm going to see if I can't take a written snapshot of my life as it stands now.

Maybe then, I'll be better able to hold up a virtual ruler to myself and ask the question about where I've been and where I'm going.

You know, that brings to mind a great song by Faith Hill.
Here are the lyrics:

Who I Am

Might scare me to death
Or chill my bones
Break my heart
Or warm my soul
But since I'm here and before I go
I'm gonna find out who I am

Late one cold Thanksgiving night
They welcomed me, another 60's child
To a family that's holding tight
That's part of who I am, yeah

I got a mama who prays for me
She fights the devil down on her knees
I can't see all that mama sees
But it's part of who I am

She gave me truth and she watched me grow
I told her lines and I test the rope
Then I tried a little bit of everything I know
Just to find out who I am

Who I am
Does it matter anyway
Who I am
What I've seen along the way
Who I am
Changes a little everyday
With a lot of truth
And an open heart
I just want half a chance
As long as I'm here and before I go
Just to find out who I am

Music is my soul's delight
Comes to me both day and night
It gives me wings and it gives me flight
And it's part of who I am

I hold onto a simple faith
About the choices and the path I take
That through the good and the bad mistakes
I'm gonna find out, yeah

Who I am
Does it matter anyway
Who I am
What I've lost along the way
Who I am
It changes a little everyday
With a lot of truth
And an open heart
I just want half a chance
As long as I'm here and before I go
Just to find out

Did it ever really matter
In that big forever plan
Who I am and what I'm here for I don't know
Is it wrong to want an answer
Try to understand

Who I am
Does it matter anyway
Who I am
What I've learned along the way
Who I am
It changes a little everyday
With a lot of truth
And an open heart
I just want half a chance
As long as I'm here and before I go
Just to find out
Who I am

*I know the song is copyrighted. I got it from somewhere else on the internet, which doesn't make it any better. But, if you were wondering, I'm sure you can resell it on stuff, so don't :)