Toy Shopping Is Not Meant For People Like Me

My mind was gutter trained. I don't know how, I don't know why, and I don't know who trained it to be thus. It is just so.

Walking down the toy aisles today, looking for the "pop out and grab me" item that I just knew my daughter would not be able to live without, I had to constantly ask myself who would name a product with a certain name or style it in a certain way. I mean, what were they thinking?!

Perhaps in a wonderful world, they just are not as dirty minded as myself, but I can tell you that there is a certain sucker ring that my daughter will not be wearing because the sucker part is shaped like a penis and there is a certain computer toy that she will not get because the name is... They named it V-Smile. My husband and I both agree that... that's just wrong. A V-Smile is something totally different than a computer toy, and WHY would you name a toy that?!?!

Unless of course it was meant for a V-Smile. A completely different matter altogether.

There were other things, and I'd point them out to you if we shopped together, but my brain is so fried from 12 hours of shopping that the rest escape me now.

I wound up taking the short person with me and leaving the lollipops at home. My daughter was a champ! We shopped for nearly 12 hours, and with the exception of a three hour nap at Grandma and Grandpa's she was with me through it all. She didn't throw a temper tantrum once. Course, in the first store I bribed her with a piece of paper and package of stickers, in the second store she peeled off the stickers and put them on the paper. In the third store, it was donuts and chocolate milk, and 40 pairs of socks that somehow wound up in the back of the cart when I wasn't looking. Then, in the last store, we were shopping for material for an outfit I'm having made for her. (I regret not learning to sew.) Through it all she was an angel.

Ahhh... proud parent moment. Tear.

Ironically it was the various store employees that seemed to be getting on eachother's nerves, rather than the stressed out parents and children. They were arguing in the middle of the store about which way to move something, or about who needed who in which department. In three different stores this happened! LOL... I'm still laughing. It was comical.

Twelve hours... and my Christmas shopping is no where near done. It could have been, but none of my relatives have any idea what they want for Christmas. Next year, I'm thinking about making a rule that if you don't have your list to me by Thanksgiving, I'm buying you whatever catches my eye and looks pretty. There was a great butterfly fabric I really wanted to buy for someone today. LOL... That's funny. I wonder what my brother-in-law would do with butterfly fabric. Seems like a pretty good threat, don't you think?

You know, as I get ready to leave this day for my pillow, there's only one question I have left... Why the hell would you name anything "Turkey Trot". Turkey Trot is the thing you do the night of Thanksgiving after having eaten an undercooked bird. They call it that because you trot to the bathroom all night long.

In this life, I have more questions than answers.